CAPTIONING MADE POSSIBLE BY PARAMOUNT PICTURES CORPORATION
[ENGINE TURNING OVER]
[HORN HONKS]
BONJOUR, MESSIEURS. BONJOUR, MADEM--
[FEEDBACK]
BONJOUR, MESSIEURS. BONJOUR, MADEMOISELLES.
I JUST WANT TO TAKE A MOMENT
TO TELL YOU THAT YOU ARE EMBARKING HERE
ON A WONDERFUL ADVENTURE.
[DRIVER HONKS HORN] AVANCE!
QU'EST-CE QUE FOU?!
OH, YES. FOR THOSE OF YOU
I DID NOT MEET AT THE AIRPORT,
I AM MADAME CATHERINE TESSIER.
ON BEHALF OF THE INSTITUTE OF FRENCH STUDIES,
I WANT TO WELCOME YOU...
NON, NON, NON, C'EST IMPOSSIBLE.
YOU HAVE COME FROM AMERICA TO STUDY IN FRANCE,
AND NO MATTER WHAT YOU DO LATER IN YOUR LIFE,
YOU WILL REMEMBER THE YEAR YOU SPENT HERE.
OH! MOVE ALONG! C'EST BIEN, OUI?!
[SHOUTING IN FRENCH]
[ARGUING IN FRENCH]
[SHOUTING IN FRENCH]
[ARGUING IN FRENCH]
AS I WAS SAYING,
FROM THIS MOMENT ON,
YOU MUST WIPE EVERYTHING AMERICAN FROM YOUR MIND
AS YOU IMMERSE YOURSELF IN THE SOPH--
IN THE SOPHISTICATION, THE DEPTH,
THE SUBTLE ELEGANCE
OF FRENCH CULTURE. AND NOW, AS YOU CAN SEE...
[DO YOU BELIEVE IN MAGIC? PLAYING IN FRENCH]
[SPEAKING FRENCH]
WOULD YOU TRANSLATE...
THAT QUOTE, IT'S FROM PASCAL.
WOULD YOUR TRANSLATE, PLEASE, UH, MONSIEUR?
[SNAPPING FINGERS]
THAT'S YOU. THAT'S YOU.
YES, YOU.
FIRST CLASS, FIRST QUESTION.
WHAT? I CAN'T HEAR YOU. SPEAK UP.
I JUST WONDERED WHY ME.
I MEAN, UH, POURQUOI ME?
IT WAS THAT DUMB EXPRESSION ON YOUR FACE.
I SUPPOSE THAT BEHIND IT,
THE BRAIN IS MISSING.
[STUDENTS CHUCKLING]
ALBERT, ALBERT... CALME-TOI.
I ASSUME MY WIFE-- MADAME TESSIER HAS TOLD YOU
THAT WE PROVIDE A...CLASSICAL EDUCATION.
NOW, I KNOW THAT IN SOME OF YOUR UNIVERSITIES,
THE STUDENTS SAY, "OH, NO!
"WE DON'T WANT LITERATURE. THAT'S FOR OTHER PEOPLE.
"WELL, THIS YEAR...
"THIS YEAR, WE THINK WE WILL STUDY...
MUSHROOMS."
MUSHROOMS?
I HAVE NEWS FOR YOU.
HERE...AT MY SCHOOL...
YOU WILL NOT STUDY MUSHROOMS!
[SPEAKING FRENCH]
JOEL, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
I'M SPEAKING FRENCH.
WE PLEDGED TO SPEAK TOGETHER
ONLY IN FRENCH, AND I WAS JUST--
WELL, WHAT DO YOU SAY WE DON'T?
IT'S DRIVING ME CRAZY.
NOBODY AT THE INSTITUTE'S GONNA KNOW
IF YOU DON'T SPEAK FRENCH.
I'LL KNOW! JE SAURAI!
ANYWAY, I WAS JUST SAYING
THAT MR. TESSIER'S A LITTLE WEIRD,
YOU KNOW. I MEAN, MUSHROOMS?
I'M NOT GONNA COME TO PARIS
TO STUDY MUSHROOMS.
YOU'RE GONNA EAT THAT THING
OFF THE STREET?
YEAH. WHY DID YOU COME TO PARIS?
WELL, I'M MAJORING IN ROMANCE LANGUAGES,
AND MY SCHOOL SUGGESTED COMING HERE.
I FIGURED IT'D LOOK GOOD ON MY RECORDS.
ACTUALLY, I THINK MY PARENTS WERE JUST
TRYING TO GET RID OF ME.
I WOULD'VE JOINED THE FOREIGN LEGION TO GET HERE.
WHAT'S WRONG WITH OBERLIN?
IT'S A GOOD SCHOOL.
YEAH, IT'S ALSO IN OHIO.
WELL, ANYWAY, EVERYONE SAID
THAT THE EXPERIENCE WOULD BROADEN
MY OUTLOOK ON LIFE.
YOU KNOW, COMING INTO CONTACT
WITH ANOTHER CULTURE.
JESUS.
MAYBE I SHOULD'VE GONE TO ROME.
YEAH, BUT THEY HAVE
ALL THOSE KIDNAPPINGS IN ITALY.
WELL, I MEAN, THEY CUT OFF YOUR EARS,
AND THEY--
Girl, voice-over: OCTOBER 15. DEAR DAVID,
I ARRIVED IN PARIS WITH GREAT EXPECTATIONS
UNTIL I SAW SOME OF THE CULTURAL MEATBALLS
THIS PLACE SEEMS TO ATTRACT.
[READING IN FRENCH]
HEY...
YOU WANT TO QUIT MAKING THAT NOISE?
AND, DAVID, YOU WOULD NOT BELIEVE
THE ROOMMATE THEY'VE STUCK ME WITH.
HER NAME IS MELANIE,
AND, WELL...
I AM DOING MY BEST TO REEDUCATE
HER RATHER SIMPLE TASTES.
OCTOBER 25. DEAR DAVID,
SIGHTSEEING WITH MELANIE
WAS NOT MY MOST BRILLIANT IDEA.
I MEAN, I CAME TO PARIS TO EXPERIENCE
THE GREATEST YEAR OF MY LIFE.
UNFORTUNATELY, THE SAME PROCESS OF DISCOVERY
SEEMS TO BE LOST ON CERTAIN PEOPLE.
EVERY DAY AFTER CLASS,
I GO OUT, AND I'M CONSTANTLY AMAZED
AT WHAT THIS CITY HAS TO OFFER.
PARIS' CULTURE AND HISTORY ARE EVERYWHERE
AND ALMOST UNAVOIDABLE.
NOVEMBER 1. DEAR DAVID,
I FINALLY DUMPED MELANIE.
BUT YOU KNOW, EVERYTHING WOULD'VE BEEN DIFFERENT
IF YOU'D BEEN ABLE TO COME WITH ME TO PARIS
THE WAY WE PLANNED.
I MISS YOU SO MUCH, DAVID.
ANYWAY, THERE ARE 212 IMPORTANT SIGHTS
IN THE MICHELIN GUIDE,
SO I DON'T HAVE TIME FOR SELF-PITY,
BECAUSE I'M GOING TO SEE EVERY ONE OF THEM, DAVID,
FOR BOTH OF US.
BONJOUR, MONSIEUR. JE CHERCHE...
SUPPLIES.
WHAT'S A SUPPLY?
UH, PROVISION.
NO, NO, NO, NO.
UH, FOURNITURES. OUI, OUI, OUI.
BONJOUR, MONSIEUR. JE CHERCHE--
AH, AMERICAN! ONE MOMENT.
SHIT. HOW CAN THEY TELL?
HEY, YOU WANT TO PAY FOR THAT?
IT'S MY BOOK.
OK, SO WHAT DO YOU WANT?
WHAT'S THIS?
NOTEBOOK PAPER, 3-RING.
5 RINGS
5-RING. NEW BINDER, TOO.
YOU KNOW, I DON'T UNDERSTAND
ANYTHING YOU'RE SAYING.
YOU DON'T SPEAK FRENCH?
NOT YOUR FRENCH.
OH.
WELL, IS THAT ALL NOW, I HOPE?
WELL, YOU DID FORGET, UM....
I MEAN, I NEED SOME PAPER CLIPS.
I WAS JUST SAYING
THAT I'D SEEN YOU BEFORE ON THE METRO.
WE TAKE THE SAME ROUTE.
A BOX OF PAPER CLIPS, A CARTON, OR WHAT?
HOW MANY IN A BOX?
I DON'T KNOW. COUNT THEM.
RIGHT.
UH, THANK YOU. UH, DEUX, SIX, HUIT.
YOU'VE BEEN A LOT OF HELP.
HUIT, DIX, DOUZE, QUATORZE...
ALLEZ!
WAIT A MINUTE, PLEASE!
DON'T GO YET!
UM, I WAS VERY RUDE, AND I'M SORRY.
SO BEFORE YOU GO,
I WANT TO GIVE YOU SOMETHING.
IT'S A FREE GIFT FROM LIBRARIE GIRET.
IT'S A HANDY METRIC CONVERTER.
THANKS.
THAT IS HANDY.
I'M ALWAYS GETTING CONFUSED
WITH INCHES AND CENTIMETERS.
THIS'LL BE A BIG HELP, THOUGH, I'M SURE.
SO, IF YOU OR ANY OF YOUR AMERICAN FRIENDS
NEED ANYTHING AT ALL, MY NAME IS TONI.
I'M JOEL.
THANKS, TONI. UM...AU REVOIR.
PARDON?
UH, BYE.
BYE-BYE!
YOU'VE BEEN ENJOYING YOURSELF HERE.
WELL, UH, YEAH.
BECAUSE YOU CERTAINLY HAVEN'T BEEN WORKING.
YEAH, I KNOW.
I HAVE COMPLAINTS ABOUT YOU FROM THE STAFF,
FROM PROFESSORS.
IT'S TAKING ME A WHILE
TO GET ACCUSTOMED TO EVERYTHING.
WHAT DO YOU WANT TO DO IN LIFE, ALEX?
HEH! I DON'T KNOW EXACTLY.
I LIKE MUSIC. I LIKE WRITING MUSIC.
ALEX...
YES? I MEAN, OUI?
MADAME?
I KNOW WHY YOU CAME TO PARIS.
NOT JUST TO SEE THE CITY,
BUT MORE THAN THAT,
TO SEE AND TO LIVE LIFE, YES?
WELL, YES.
I MEAN, YOU CAN'T WRITE SONGS
IF YOU DON'T HAVE ANYTHING TO WRITE ABOUT.
I'VE BEEN WATCHING YOU.
NOW, YOU MUST NOT TELL ANYONE I TOLD YOU THIS,
BUT...
I--I WON'T.
OF ALL THE STUDENTS HERE,
YOU, ALEX, YOU ARE SPECIAL.
HEH! I AM? WHY?
BECAUSE THIS YEAR,
YOU WILL FIND THE THINGS YOU'RE SEARCHING FOR.
I WILL?
YES. BUT YOU'RE BRIGHT ENOUGH
TO ALSO LEARN UP HERE. YOU CAN DO BOTH.
LEARN ABOUT LIFE, OF COURSE,
BUT ALSO STUDY.
WILL YOU DO THAT?
FOR ME?
YES. YES, I WILL.
GOOD.
EXCUSE ME.
GRRR.
FOR ME.
SPEAK ENGLISH, ALBERT. YOU NEED THE PRACTICE.
OH, CERTAINLY, MY DEAR.
YEAH, RIGHT ON, GROOVY,
FAR OUT, I GO WITH THE FLOW.
ANYWAY, I THINK THIS ALEX, ALEX MOORE,
WILL START STUDYING NOW.
DID YOU GIVE HIM YOUR STANDARD SPEECH?
DID YOU TELL HIM, "YOU ARE SPECIAL"?
MM-HMM.
WHEN I TAUGHT AT THE SORBONNE,
WE DIDN'T HAVE THIS PROBLEM.
THE BUMS DIDN'T STUDY, AND IT WAS...
TSSK! BACK TO AMERICA, BOZO.
YES, BUT AT THE SORBONNE,
YOU COULDN'T AFFORD YOUR COUNTRY HOUSE
IN VILLEFRANCHE.
AND YOUR NEW CAR AND THE TENNIS CLUB
AND THE JAPANESE TERRARIUM--
BY THE WAY, I HAVE SOME THINGS
TO GET FOR THE WEEKEND.
I'LL SEE YOU AT HOME AT 8:00.
DON'T BE LATE, DARLING.
HUMPH.
Joel: I CAN'T SLEEP, MOTHER.
THEY DON'T HAVE REAL PILLOWS HERE.
THEY HAVE THESE-- THESE ROUND, HARD THINGS.
Man: HOW MANY PARENTS YOU GOT?
SO SEND ME PILLOW. AND HOW ABOUT A LETTER?
WELL, MOTHER, EVERYBODY ELSE GETS LETTERS.
CAN'T YOU WRITE ME?
HEY, SOMEBODY JIMMIED IT!
YOU CAN CALL ANYWHERE IN THE WORLD FOR FREE.
IT LOOKS LIKE THE WORD'S OUT.
JOEL, HOW MUCH LONGER ARE YOU GONNA BE?
PARDON, PARDON.
UM, AND SOME PEANUT BUTTER.
NO, NO, THE CHUNKY, THE DEAF SIMON KIND.
I GET IT AT THE HEALTH FOOD STORE. WHAT?
OF COURSE I LIKE FRENCH COOKING.
IT'S TERRIFIC. BUT, I MEAN,
YOU CAN ONLY EAT SO MANY SNAILS.
[SIREN]
WHAT? WHAT IS THAT?
IS THAT THE COPS?
NO. NO, NO, NO.
MOTHER?
I'LL SEE YOU LATER.
MOTHER! NO, NO, NO.
DON'T--DON'T WORRY ABOUT THE CALL, MOTHER.
IT'S NOT EXPENSIVE.
SO...HOW ARE THE DOGS?
[SPEAKING FRENCH]
NON, NON.
[SALESWOMAN CONTINUES IN FRENCH, INDISTINCT]
♪ MAKE YOU MY OWN ♪
♪ SO YOU SEE ♪
♪ I REALLY CARE-ARE-ARE ♪
♪ WITHOUT YOU ♪
♪ I'M NOTHIN' ♪
♪ OH, OH ♪
♪ JUST ONE LOOK ♪
♪ AND I KNOW-OW ♪
[WOMAN SPEAKING FRENCH]
AH, OUI.
[WOMAN SPEAKS FRENCH]
[SPEAKING FRENCH]
♪ SOMEDAY ♪
♪ OH, OH ♪
♪ JUST ONE LOOK ♪
[SPEAKING FRENCH]
♪ THAT'S ALL IT TOOK, YEAH ♪
[SALESWOMAN SPEAKING FRENCH]
NON, NON.
[SPEAKING FRENCH]
♪ THAT'S ALL IT TOOK ♪
NOUS AVONS BIEN DE CHOSES EN BAS.
♪ THAT'S ALL, OH, BABY ♪
♪ JUST ONE LOOK ♪
♪ YOU KNOW I LOVE YOU, BABY ♪
♪ JUST ONE LOOK ♪
♪ I'LL BUILD A WORLD AROUND YOU ♪
♪ JUST ONE LOOK ♪
♪ THAT'S ALL IT TOOK ♪
♪ COME ON, BABY ♪
♪ JUST ONE LOOK ♪
♪ THAT'S ALL IT TOOK ♪
[SONG INSTRUMENTAL ENDS]
[NEW INSTRUMENTAL BEGINS]
[SINGING IN FRENCH J'ÉCOUTE DE LA MUSIQUE SAULE]
[WHISPERING TO RHYTHM]
HUH.
[HORN HONKS]
Girl: DECEMBER 1.
DEAR DAVID, THINGS HERE AT SCHOOL
HAVE PRETTY MUCH SETTLED INTO A ROUTINE NOW...
ALTHOUGH PARIS IS STILL A GREAT ADVENTURE.
I WISH YOU'D QUIT WORRYING ABOUT ME.
I DON'T KNOW WHY MY LAST LETTER
MADE IT SOUND LIKE I WAS DEPRESSED AND LONELY,
BECAUSE I'M NOT.
IN FACT, I'VE ONLY GOT A SECOND TO WRITE.
THERE'S ALL THESE PEOPLE AROUND
WHO WANT ME TO GO TO LUNCH WITH THEM.
THEN I'VE GOT SEVERAL MAJOR MUSEUMS
TO SEE THIS AFTERNOON.
BY THE WAY... IT'S GOTTEN VERY COLD.
IT'S DEFINITELY WINTER NOW...
THE WINTER OF...
[CHUCKLES]
THE GREATEST YEAR OF MY LIFE.
[ELECTRONIC BATTLE EFFECTS]
[SPEAKING FRENCH]
RETOURNEZ LE FEU.
[TV DIALOGUE CONTINUES IN FRENCH]
Kirk: RAPPORT DES DOMMAGES, MONSIEUR SPOCK.
Spock: MINEURS, CAPITAINE.
NOUNS AVONS EU DE LA CHANCE.
FAIBLE DOMMAGE AUX PONTS 10 ET 18.
[DRAMATIC MUSIC]
[TV DIALOGUE CONTINUES, INDISTINCT]
HI.
WHAT'RE YOU DOIN'?
YOU'RE LIKE A SHUT-IN.
HOW WAS THE CONCERT?
FINE. THE FRENCH STILL LOVE JAZZ.
THEN I COME BACK TO A RETIREMENT HOME.
WELL, MADAME PIMOT HASN'T BEEN A WIDOW LONG.
I THINK SHE'S LONELY.
NOT ANYMORE. SHE'S GOT A NEW ADOPTED SON
WHO CAME FROM AMERICA TO KEEP HER COMPANY.
I HAD TO FINISH AN ESSAY, YOU KNOW.
ESSAYS, BOOKS, PAPERS, ALL OVER MY BED!
I'LL GET 'EM.
WERE YOU READING THIS?
YEAH.
"IF YOU WERE LUCKY ENOUGH TO HAVE LIVED IN PARIS
"AS A YOUNG MAN, THEN WHEREVER YOU GO
"FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE, IT STAYS WITH YOU,
FOR PARIS IS A MOVABLE FEAST."
ERNEST HEMINGWAY.
YEAH. I SEE IT'S HAD A GREAT EFFECT ON YOUR LIFE.
HMM?
WHAT ARE YOU GONNA WRITE IN YOUR MEMOIRS?
"IF YOU LIVED IN PARIS AS A YOUNG MAN,
"YOU'RE LUCKY, FOR PARIS IS A GREAT PLACE
"TO WATCH OLD RERUNS OF STAR TREK.
JOEL WEBER."
I MEAN, YOU'RE LIVING HERE LIKE A MOLE!
ALL YOU'VE SEEN OF THIS CITY
IS THE SUBWAY TO THE INSTITUTE.
YOU'VE GOTTA GET OUTTA HERE.
LOOK, YOU'RE NOT IN PRISON, YOU KNOW.
YOU'RE IN PARIS.
THERE'S A WHOLE WORLD OUT THERE.
STOP HIDING FROM IT.
[TELEPHONE RINGS]
ALLO. LIBRARIE GIRET. J'ÉCOUTE.
JUST A MOMENT.
IT'S FOR TONI. IT'S AN AMERICAN.
TONI HAD A CLASS THIS AFTERNOON.
HERE.
HELLO? YES?
[LOUD MUSIC PLAYING]
HI.
THIS IS JOEL.
I'VE BEEN BY THE STORE A COUPLE TIMES
BUYING THINGS. YOU--YOU REMEMBER ME?
YES, I REMEMBER YOU, BUT--
OK, WELL, LISTEN, I JUST WONDERED
IF YOU WEREN'T, UH, BUSY
SATURDAY NIGHT, I THOUGHT THAT, UH,
MAYBE YOU'D LIKE TO, UH, GO SEE A MOVIE
OR--OR HAVE DINNER OR SOMETHING?
WELL, UH...OK. SATURDAY IS GOOD.
TONI'S GOING TO KILL YOU.
[WHISPERING] She always plays jokes on me.
SATURDAY'S GOOD?
[CHUCKLES]
OK, THEN. UH...GREAT!
WELL, LISTEN, UH... WHERE DO YOU LIVE?
UH...WHAT-- WHAT'S YOUR ADDRESS?
[GIGGLING OVER PHONE]
WHAT'S SO FUNNY?
[EVERYONE LAUGHING]
[LAUGHTER]
[SPUTTERS]
[ALL LAUGHING]
WHEN YOU CALLED THE STORE,
YOU MUST HAVE TALKED TO MALSY OR CÉCILE.
I'M SURE OF IT.
OH.
AND YOU REALLY THOUGHT IT WAS ME ON THE PHONE?
YEP.
[LAUGHTER]
OH...GOD. I'M GONNA DIE.
HA HA HA.
[MAN SPEAKING FRENCH]
AND YOU REALLY THOUGHT WE HAD A DATE TONIGHT?
Joel: YEAH. [CHUCKLES EMBARRASSEDLY]
BUT I ALREADY HAVE A DATE.
HI.
I DON'T NEED 2.
WELL, I'LL JUST, UH, GO HOME NOW
AND...SHOOT MYSELF.
NO, DON'T GO.
Man: IL VA SE SUICIDER.
[LAUGHTER]
I HAVE AN IDEA.
Toni: PASCAL!
THE CHECK. LISTEN, WHY DON'T I
JUST PAY MY SHARE OF THAT,
AND THEN I'LL JUST... GET OUT OF HERE.
YES, WE'RE ALL GOING. AND YOU PAY FOR IT
BECAUSE HE'S OUR GUEST.
WE'RE GOING TO A GREAT DISCO NOW.
YOU'LL LIKE IT.
YOU FRENCH CERTAINLY HAVE LONG DATES.
[DISCO MUSIC PLAYING]
I'M STUDYING AMERICAN LITERATURE
AT THE SORBONNE!
WHAT?!
I'M STUDYING AMERICAN LITERATURE
AT THE SORBONNE!
10 YEARS!
WHAT?!
10 YEARS,
AMERICA WILL BE FINISHED!
SHUT UP, PASCAL. YOU'RE BORING!
AMERICA IS POLLUTED, CORRUPTED,
SICK, AND DYING.
Toni: PASCAL!
SPEAKING OF WHICH, IT'S GETTING LATE!
I THINK I'D BETTER GO!
OH, COME ON, DON'T GO.
LET'S DANCE.
Pascal: THE ONLY DANCING
WILL BE THE CHINESE
DANCING ON YOUR CAPITALIST GRAVES.
AMERICA STINKS, YOU TURKEY.
[CHORTLES]
[SNIFFLES]
OOHH!
SORRY ABOUT THAT!
[SNAPS FINGERS TO RHYTHM]
THERE. I'M SORRY.
I THINK YOU STILL LIKE ME.
NO. I STILL HATE YOU.
THANKS FOR THE WONDERFUL EVENING.
I GUESS I'LL BE GOING NOW.
OH, HERE, PASCAL. OPEN THE DOOR FOR ME.
WELL, UH...I REALLY OUGHT TO BE GOING NOW.
UM...THANKS FOR THE WONDERFUL EVENING.
GOOD-BYE.
UM...
[WHISPERING] Come back in 10 minutes.
[GIGGLES]
YOU KNOW, YOU WERE VERY NICE
ABOUT THE WHOLE MISTAKE.
AFTER A MEAN JOKE LIKE THAT PHONE CALL,
ANYBODY ELSE WOULD HAVE JUST...
GONE HOME.
[CHUCKLES]
I KNOW.
I WAS ABOUT TO...
SEVERAL TIMES.
THAT'S A PROBLEM I HAVE--
INDECISIVENESS.
WHAT DOES IT MEAN?
IT MEANS THAT YOU CAN'T MAKE A DECISION...
THAT YOU'RE...
AF-AFRAID TO DO THINGS.
WELL...
IT'S VERY LATE.
OH. YEAH.
GOOD NIGHT.
WILL I SEE YOU AGAIN?
OH...OH, YES, I THINK SO.
GREAT.
BYE.
WHOOPS.
SORRY. THAT'S THE BEDROOM.
WRONG DOOR.
NO...
RIGHT DOOR.
[PLAYING PIANO]
I'M REALLY MORE OF A, UH,
SONGWRITER THAN A SINGER, BUT...
HERE GOES.
♪ I HEAR A SIGH ♪
♪ FROM A BENCH IN THE SQUARE ♪
♪ AND THE SOUND OF THE SIGH ♪
♪ SAYS A LOVER IS THERE ♪
♪ THEN I SUDDENLY SEE ♪
♪ THAT THE LOVER IS ME ♪
♪ AND THE THING OF IT IS ♪
♪ PARIS ♪
ALEX--
♪ PARIS ♪
♪ IS A LADY ♪
♪ WITH A LIGHT IN HER EYES ♪
♪ A SURPRISE KIND OF GLOW ABOUT HER ♪
♪ PARIS ♪
♪ IS A TEACHER WHO HAS LESSONS TO GIVE ♪
♪ HOW TO LOVE, HOW TO LIVE ♪
♪ AND THERE'S SO MUCH TO LEARN ♪
♪ THAT YOU TOSS ♪
♪ AND YOU TURN ABOUT HER ♪
♪ I HEAR A SONG ♪
♪ DOWN A COBBLESTONE STREET ♪
♪ AND I'VE NEVER HEARD SINGIN' ♪
♪ THAT SOUNDED SO SWEET ♪
♪ THEN A JOLT IN MY SPINE ♪
♪ SAYS THE MUSIC IS MINE ♪
♪ AND THE ♪
♪ THING OF IT IS ♪
♪ PARIS ♪
[SONG ENDS]
WHY DID YOU SING ME THIS SONG?
WELL, UH, YOU KNOW THAT 19th-CENTURY
LITERATURE ESSAY WE WERE SUPPOSED TO DO?
MM-HMM.
THE, UH...COMPARISON
BETWEEN ROMANTICISM AND CLASSICISM?
SURE. IT'S VERY IMPORTANT.
MY SONG'S KIND OF A ROMANTIC LOOK
AT A CLASSIC SITUATION.
YOU WROTE A SONG INSTEAD OF THE ESSAY?
HA HA HA!
YEAH.
YOU DIDN'T LIKE IT.
EVEN IN ENGLISH, YOUR METAPHORS WERE FEEBLE.
AND YOUR SYNTAX... PRIMITIVE.
UM, MADAME TESSIER...
YOU KNOW, UH...
I WASN'T AS CONCERNED WITH THE STYLE
AS I WAS WITH THE CONTENT.
AND YOU HAVE BEEN FOLLOWING ME.
HAVEN'T YOU?
Y-YEAH.
I'M DISAPPOINTED, ALEX.
AT THE BEGINNING OF THE YEAR,
I HAD HOPES FOR YOU, BUT NOW...
YOU ARE BEING VERY FOOLISH.
[DOOR OPENS]
UN MOMENT, ALBERT.
AND YOU...
WRITE THE ESSAY...
BY MONDAY MORNING.
[SPEAKING FRENCH TO ALBERT]
[CONTINUES IN FRENCH]
ALBERT!
OUI, J'ARRIVE.
[INDISTINCT, ENTHUSIASTIC CHATTER]
[WHISTLES]
WHOOIE!
JANUARY 12.
DEAR DAVID, IT HASN'T ALWAYS BEEN FUN,
BUT I'VE COVERED MOST OF THE HISTORICAL SITES
OF CENTRAL PARIS,
AND I'M MOVING OUT TOWARD THE SUBURBS NOW.
OF ALL THE CEMETERIES I'VE VISITED,
I MUST SAY PERE-LACHAISE IS MY FAVORITE...
STROLLING DOWN ROW AFTER MARVELOUS ROW
OF SO MANY GIFTED AND FAMOUS DEAD PEOPLE.
TODAY I LEFT FLOWERS ON THE GRAVES OF COLETTE...
ISADORA DUNCAN...
AND EDITH PIAF.
ANYWAY, I'M ENCLOSING A MAP OF THE CEMETERY
FOR YOU, DAVID.
YOU'LL SEE THAT I'VE MARKED ALL THE BEST GRAVES ON IT.
MERDE.
[ALBERT SPEAKING FRENCH]
NON. NON, NON, YVETTE.
PFFT!
[YOU'RE THE ONE THAT I WANT PLAYING IN FRENCH]
Toni: DO YOU WANT TO PLAY PINBALL?
Joel: PRETTY GOOD, HUH?
Toni: NO! HA HA!
COME ON. I DON'T WANT HER TO SEE ME.
COME ON!
Toni: WHO?
MADAME TESSIER.
ALEX USED TO FOLLOW HER
LIKE, UH, INSPECTOR MAIGRET ON A CASE.
YEAH, BEFORE I MADE AN ASS OUT OF MYSELF
WITH THAT SONG.
OHHH...
[CAR STARTS UP]
THAT'S HER CAR.
COME ON, LET'S GO IN THERE.
MOVE! MOVE!
[TONI GIGGLES]
Joel: WHAT'S HE DOING?
[SIGHS]
[HORN HONKS]
OH, SHIT.
ALEX? IS THAT YOU?
WHY DID YOU RUN IN THERE?
ARE YOU GOING HOME?
WOULD YOU LIKE A RIDE?
WHY DON'T YOU GET IN THE CAR?
OK.
THIS CAR MUST BE VERY EXPENSIVE IN FRANCE.
OH, YES. IT COST 10 MILLION FRANCS.
OLD FRANCS.
I'M SORRY.
[TIRES SQUEAL]
W--
PSHHH...
[SIGHS]
[CAR DRAWS NEAR]
[TIRES SCREECH]
[SCREECH]
[DOOR UNLOCKS]
[TIRES SCREECH]
[TONI GASPS]
Joel: OH. GOD.
ALEX.
OH, GOD.
HI, JOEL.
I THOUGHT IT WAS MADAME PIMOT.
HI, TONI.
HI.
OH, LISTEN,
I'M REALLY SORRY ABOUT THIS.
UM, WE WERE JUST FEELING A LITTLE PASSIONATE,
AND, UH...WE COULDN'T FIND A HOTEL.
I--I DON'T KNOW WHAT'S GOTTEN INTO ME LATELY.
NO. WAIT A MINUTE. HOLD ON.
WHAT--WHAT HAPPENED WITH YOU
AND--AND MADAME TESSIER?
MONSIEUR TESSIER IS LEAVING FOR ITALY TOMORROW MORNING.
Joel: SO WHAT?
SO MADAME TESSIER IS PICKING ME UP
TOMORROW AFTERNOON.
AND SHE'S TAKING ME TO HER HOUSE.
ALEX.
ALEX, YOU DID IT!
YOU DID IT! I CAN'T BELIEVE IT.
WHERE'S OUR SCOTCH?
[JOEL CHUCKLES]
LISTEN. I CAN COVER FOR YOU.
I'M TAKIN' TONI TO THE INSTITUTE
FOR LUNCH TOMORROW, AND...
I'LL--I'LL TELL 'EM YOU'VE GOT THE FLU.
[BOTH GUYS CHUCKLE]
[CLINK]
Joel: SHE'S FRENCH, YOU KNOW.
SHE'S MINE.
PROBLEM IS...
YOU GUYS HANG AROUND HERE TOO MUCH.
I PICKED UP TONI IN A LOCAL DISCO.
SHE LIKED THE WAY I DANCED.
IT'S ONLY THE MOST IMPORTANT
MEDIEVAL FESTIVAL IN THE WORLD.
IT OCCURS ONCE EVERY 5 YEARS,
AND UNLESS I CAN GET A GROUP TOGETHER
TO GO WITH ME, I'M GONNA MISS IT.
BUT I TELL YOU ONE THING...
I'M NOT GOING TO MISS IT.
Joel: HEY, TONI. EXCUSE ME, LAURA,
IT'S REAL INTERESTING, BUT, UM--
TONI?
WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN?
WE HAVEN'T SEEN YOU IN SUCH A LONG TIME.
WELL, I WENT TO SCHOOL, AND...I WORKED.
OH, YEAH?
YOU TWO KNOW EACH OTHER.
Woman: OF COURSE.
JEAN-LOUIS, VENEZ.
LOOK WHO'S HERE.
Jean-Louis: TONI!
HOW ARE YOU?
I'M FINE.
WHAT ABOUT STEVEN, TONI?
HOW IS STEVEN?
I DON'T KNOW.
MMM. STEVEN AND YOU,
THAT WAS THE BIG ROMANCE, HMM?
BIG SCANDAL. REMEMBER WHEN THE CLEANING LADY
FOUND STEVEN AND TONI IN THE LOUNGE
THE MORNING AFTER THE PARTY?
SHE ALMOST HAD A HEART ATTACK. OH.
WE HEARD STEVEN'S AT HARVARD NOW.
I DIDN'T KNOW THAT.
NO?
NO.
HEY.
HE DIDN'T WRITE YOU?
WHO'S STEVEN?
HUNHH-UNHH.
REMEMBER THIS, TONI?
CHRISTINE, DON'T DO THIS.
10 TO 1, THAT'S STEVEN.
IT WAS FROM THAT SILLY PLAY LAST YEAR.
I WANTED TO HANG IT IN MY OFFICE,
BUT MADAME TESSIER SAID IT WAS NOT DIGNIFIED.
OH, NO. I THINK THE INSTITUTE
SHOULD PUT IT ON THE CATALOG.
I MEAN, THEY'D GET A LOT MORE APPLICATIONS.
[LAUGHTER]
[DAVE BRUBECK'S TAKE FIVE PLAYING]
[GLASSES CLINKING]
DO YOU LIKE THE HOUSE?
MM-HMM.
WE DECORATED THESE ROOMS IN WHAT WE CALL
THE EISENHOWER FIFTIES STYLE.
IT'S VERY HARD TO FIND GOOD AMERICAN FURNITURE
FROM THAT PERIOD IN PARIS.
I'LL BET IT IS.
IT'S AMUSING, ISN'T IT?
WELL, UH...NOT WHEN YOUR PARENTS LIVE IN IT.
WHAT?
OH...A-ALEX, YOU--YOU MUST NOT RUSH THINGS.
MOVING SLOWLY CAN BE VERY EROTIC, TOO.
I SUPPOSE YOU'VE HAD A LOT OF--
I MEAN, UH...
YOU KNOW A LOT ABOUT EROTIC THINGS.
OH! IT'S ALMOST INSTINCTIVE
WITH THE FRENCH, YOU KNOW.
OK, I W--I WANT TO SHOW YOU
THE REST OF THE HOUSE.
BUT, UH, DID YOU SEE THIS COFFEE TABLE?
IT'S AN EARLY FORMICA.
OH. REALLY.
YEAH.
THAT'S GREAT.
THE DEN... AS YOU CAN SEE.
YEAH.
[GASPS]
NOT YET, ALEX.
WHOA! EUROPE. [CHUCKLES]
YES!
GOOD.
EACH FLAG WILL SOMEDAY BE A NEW INSTITUTE.
I HAVE PLANS FOR AN INSTITUTE
IN EVERY MAJOR CITY.
THEN WHAT WILL YOU DO?
MOVE TO LOS ANGELES.
FLORENCE, ITALY?
MY HUSBAND IS THERE NOW BUYING A BUILDING.
THE BASTARD.
I DON'T UNDERSTAND HIM, HE SAYS.
SO HE GOES ELSEWHERE FOR HIS, UH...
UNDERSTANDING.
SO, I GUESS WE CAN LOOK AT THE BEDROOM NOW.
GREAT.
YEAH?
YEAH, I'D LIKE TO...
SEE THE BEDROOM.
WELL, IT'S ABOUT TO HAPPEN.
BUT FIRST I WANT TO SHOW YOU SOMETHING OUTSIDE.
OUTSIDE? IT'S COLD OUTSIDE.
COME ON.
IT'S FREEZING!
YOU KNOW, YOU COULD'VE TOLD ME
YOU'D BEEN HERE BEFORE.
I DIDN'T EVEN THINK ABOUT STEVEN
UNTIL THEY MENTIONED IT.
"MENTIONED IT"?
THEY HAD A GODDAMN BILLBOARD
WITH YOUR PICTURE ON IT!
YOU'RE GONNA MAKE THIS INTO A BIG DEAL NOW.
WELL, I'M NOT MAKIN' THIS INTO A BIG DEAL.
YOU DID BY NOT TELLING ME.
I HAVEN'T HEARD FROM STEVEN SINCE HE LEFT.
HE SAID HE'D WRITE ME, AND HE DIDN'T.
WE MADE A LOT OF PLANS,
AND NOTHING HAPPENED. OK?
SURE. AND YOU THOUGHT
MAYBE YOU'D HAVE BETTER LUCK THIS YEAR.
I HATE TO HURT YOUR MALE EGO,
BUT I'VE BEEN AROUND THE BLOCK, YOU KNOW.
AROUND THE BLOCK?
WHAT'S THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN?
IT'S A GOOD AMERICAN EXPRESSION.
WELL, NOBODY USES IT.
RAYMOND CHANDLER DOES.
AND QUIT ACTING LIKE AN IDIOT.
LOOK WHO'S TALKING HERE! THIS IS SOME KIND
OF AN INSTITUTE GROUPIE HERE!
THEN WHY WERE YOU SHOWING ME OFF
LIKE A HUNTING TROPHY?
AND QUIT FOLLOWING ME.
I'M NOT FOLLOWING YOU!
THEN GO AWAY.
OR ARE YOU AFRAID?
LIKE YOU'RE AFRAID OF EVERYTHING?
AFRAID OF SOME GUY FROM LAST YEAR?
OF WHAT YOUR FRIENDS THINK?
COWARD.
YOU'RE A COWARD.
[HORN HONKS]
BONJOUR, MONSIEUR...
[SPEAKING FRENCH]
TESSIER?
C'EST UN COURS.
VOUS VOUS RENDEZ FOLLE.
[CONVERSATION CONTINUES IN FRENCH]
CHRISTINE!
MONSIEUR TESSIER IS BACK.
WHY IS HE BACK ALREADY?
HE DIDN'T GO TO ITALY.
THERE'S A STRIKE AT THE AIRPORT.
IS HE GOING HOME?
YEAH.
DOES MADAME TESSIER KNOW?
NO. HE DIDN'T WANT TO CALL
WHEN HE HEARD SHE WAS ILL,
IN CASE SHE WAS RESTING IN BED. WHY?
IN BED?
OH, MY GOD.
[CAR STARTS]
MONSIEUR!
UN MOMENT!
S'IL VOUS PLAIT!
UN MOMENT! UN MOMENT! UN MOMENT!
[CHUCKLES]
SO, UH...
DO YOU WANT TO GET A BEER OR SOMETHING?
A BEER?
GET A BEER?
Madame Tessier: YOU KNOW WHAT?
WHAT?
THERE ARE NOT MANY HOT TUBS IN FRANCE.
MMM.
THIS IS TO RELAX YOU BEFORE WE DO IT.
DO WHAT?
HA HA!
OH, YEAH. THAT. IT'S JUST IT'S SO...
SO HOT IN HERE,
I THINK I ALMOST PASSED OUT FOR A SECOND.
MY HUSBAND LIKES IT THAT WAY.
YEAH, HE WOULD, THE COLD FISH.
I DON'T KNOW WHERE THE CONTROLS ARE.
BUT...DON'T YOU FIND JACUZZIS ARE EROTIC?
I GUESS I'M JUST NOT AS EXPERIENCED AS YOU ARE
IN THIS KIND OF, UH, EXPERIENCE.
LISTEN, ALEX... TO BE HONEST,
I'VE ONLY DONE RESEARCH.
I GOT A BOOK YESTERDAY ON LOVEMAKING.
HOW LONG DID THE BOOK SAY
WE HAVE TO STAY IN HERE?
[LOUD POP MUSIC PLAYING]
YOU KNOW, I WAS JUST THINKING.
IT'D BE A REAL SHAME TO LEAVE FRANCE
WITHOUT HAVING A-- A CHANCE
TO GET TO KNOW YOU BETTER.
[SOFTLY] JOEL. JOEL.
CAN YOU HEAR ME?
CAN I HEAR YOU?
YEAH, SURE. I CAN HEAR YOU FINE.
WHAT--WHAT IS--WHAT?
WHAT KIND OF DRUG HAVE YOU TAKEN?
WHAT KIND OF, UH...
DOPE. YOU HAVE TAKEN DOPE.
DOPE?
NO, I HAVEN'T TAKEN ANY DOPE. REALLY!
THEN YOU DON'T MIND IF I GO HOME?
WELL, DON'T YOU THINK THAT WE OUGHT TO
JUST CALL YOUR WIFE FIRST AND WARN--
JUST LET HER KNOW THAT YOU'RE GONNA COME HOME?
I MEAN, IT'S NO PROBLEM.
THERE'S A PHONE BACK THERE. I CAN DO IT.
WHAT'S THE NUMBER? IS IT LISTED?
YOU ARE FREAKING OUT NOW, AREN'T YOU?
UH...NO.
WE HAD A STUDENT
FREAK OUT 3 YEARS AGO IN HER ROOM.
NO. I'M NOT FREAKING OUT. NO.
A MOVIE? UH...
WELL, HOW ABOUT THE OPERA?
YOU LIKE THE OPERA? UH, IT'S NO PROBLEM.
IT'S JUST-- WE COULD CALL YOUR WIFE
AND, UH...UHHH!
[SIGHS]
[STARTS MOTOR]
20 YEARS IN MY OWN COUNTRY,
AND NOTHIN' LIKE THIS
EVER HAPPENED.
YOU'RE RIGHT.
I AM FREAKING OUT.
[SOFT PIANO MUSIC PLAYING]
"HELLO, BABY."
HELLO...
BABY.
MMM...
[KNOCK ON DOOR]
MADAME TESSIER?
YES?
YOU KNOW, EVEN THOUGH I NEVER EXPECTED
THIS WOULD REALLY HAPPEN, I...
I HAVE BEEN PLANNING IT A LOT IN MY MIND.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN WRITING YOUR ESSAYS.
EVER SINCE I FIRST SAW YOU TRY ON
THAT PAIR OF LEVIS.
YOU WHAT?
SOMETHIN' YOU DON'T KNOW ABOUT.
THERE IS SOMETHING I NEVER TOLD YOU, ALEX.
YEAH?
YOU KNOW THAT SONG YOU WROTE ME?
IT WAS NOT SO BAD.
I LIKED IT.
[CHUCKLES]
[HORN HONKS]
LOOK, IT'S ALL GONNA COME OUT ANYWAY,
SO I MIGHT AS WELL TELL YOU
THE WHOLE DIRTY STORY.
UH, IT JUST-- IT GOT TO ME.
I MEAN, THE PRESSURES, SCHOOL, AND...FRANCE.
IT JUST--SO I INGESTED A CONSIDERABLE QUANTITY
OF UPPERS, DOWNERS, AND, UH...
OTHER TYPES OF DRUGS THAT YOU PROBABLY
NEVER EVEN HEARD OF IN FRANCE.
AND, UH, YOU DON'T THINK THAT THEY'RE GONNA, UH,
PUMP MY STOMACH OUT AT THE HOSPITAL, DO YA?
BECAUSE I'M SUDDENLY FEELING MUCH BETTER.
[SPEAKING FRENCH]
WE'RE NOT GOING TO THE HOSPITAL?
WHO'S THAT?
I DON'T WANT TO BE A BURDEN TO YOU.
BUT YOU JUST, YOU KNOW,
REALLY SHOULDN'T FEEL RESPONSIBLE
FOR THE WHOLE THING, 'CAUSE I CAN JUST GO OUT,
AND I CAN FINISH FREAKING OUT ON MY OWN,
AND THERE'S REALLY NO REASON
WHY WE'VE GOTTA DISTURB YOUR WIFE.
UM, DON'T YOU THINK WE OUGHT TO KNOCK FIRST?
NO. SHE'S PROBABLY SLEEPING AND, UH--
OH, THAT'S OK. I'LL KNOCK.
[KNOCKS]
[POUNDING]
I THOUGHT YOU SAID HE WAS IN ITALY!
I GUESS HE'S BACK.
DO YOU THINK HE'LL GET VIOLENT?
I'VE SEEN HIM GET VERY VIOLENT.
SHIT.
DON'T WORRY. MAYBE THIS IS GOOD.
I HAVE NOTHING TO HIDE.
NOTHING TO HIDE? WHAT ABOUT ME?!
[POUNDING]
HEY!
AH.
OH. [CHUCKLES] YOU LOST YOUR KEYS.
GOD, THEY MUST BE AROUND HERE SOMEWHERE.
HO, HO, HO, HO.
WHAT?
OH, THAT'S OK.
LOOK, WE CAN COME BACK TOMORROW.
COME ON.
WHERE'S THE BACK DOOR?
ALEX!
OH, JESUS!
ALEX, DON'T LEAVE! IT'S MORE HONEST THIS WAY!
OH, SURE. HONESTY'S FUN,
BUT WHAT ABOUT THE EXHILARATION
OF DECEIT AND ESCAPE?
WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?
LOOK, I'LL FIND A WAY
FOR US TO SEE EACH OTHER AGAIN.
BELIEVE ME.
NOTHING'S GONNA KEEP US APART NOW.
EXCEPT DEATH, MAYBE.
[CRICKETS CHIRPING]
Madame Tessier: ALBERT.
WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?
HE DIDN'T GO TO ITALY.
THERE WAS A STRIKE AT THE AIRPORT.
JOEL, WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?
HE TOOK AN OVERDOSE OF DRUGS...
HE SAID.
WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?
WELL, WE WERE JUST--
JUST ABOUT TO MAKE LOVE.
WELL, IT SOUNDS LIKE IT'S BEEN
A BIG NIGHT FOR EVERYBODY.
ALEX, LET'S JUST GO HOME NOW.
NO!
I'LL KILL HIM!
ALBERT! STOP IT! IT'S YOUR FAULT!
MY FAULT? LET GO OF ME!
RUNNING AWAY WITH YVETTE,
THE POOR GIRL
AT THE ANSWERING SERVICE!
HOW PITIFUL!
[SPEAKING FRENCH]
Joel: HE SAID HE DIDN'T GO TO ITALY.
[SPEAKING FRENCH]
SHE SAYS THAT HE'S BEEN OTHER PLACES WITH YVETTE.
YOU SEE, SHE KNOWS ALL ABOUT THEIR AFFAIR.
JOEL, I KNOW WHAT'S HAPPENING.
[SPEAKING FRENCH]
"AND WHAT IS THIS?"
[SPEAKING FRENCH]
"WHAT ABOUT HIM?" HE MEANS YOU.
[SPEAKING FRENCH]
"YOU TAKE SOME," UM--
I THINK HE SAID, "TWERP FROM SCHOOL,
AND YOU TAKE HIM HOME TO BED WITH YOU?"
[SPEAKING FRENCH]
"WHAT FOR? REVENGE?"
[SPEAKING FRENCH]
[ALBERT SPEAKING FRENCH]
Joel: YOU KNOW, I UNDERSTAND EVERYTHING THAT THEY'RE SAYING.
DAMN IT, JOEL, WILL YOU SHUT UP?
LET'S GET OUT OF HERE.
[MADAME TESSIER SPEAKING FRENCH]
[ALBERT SPEAKING FRENCH]
[SPEAKING FRENCH]
[ALBERT LAUGHING]
[MADAME TESSIER YELLING IN FRENCH]
[GLASS BREAKING]
[ALBERT YELLING IN FRENCH]
[MADAME TESSIER YELLING IN FRENCH]
[DOOR SLAMS]
[PLAYING FLAMENCO MUSIC]
MERCI.
HEY, LISTEN, MY DAY WASN'T SO TERRIFIC, EITHER.
WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?
TONI.
I TOOK TONI TO THE INSTITUTE
FOR LUNCH TODAY.
SO, WHAT HAPPENED?
SHE'D BEEN THERE BEFORE.
COME ON.
[AUDIENCE APPLAUDING]
EXCUSE US.
[GUITARIST PLAYING NEW SONG]
[GUITARIST SINGING IN SPANISH]
WELL, HERE'S TO YOUR GREAT IDEA
ABOUT GOING AFTER FRENCH WOMEN.
WE COME 4,000 MILES TO GET DUMPED ON.
[SINGING IN SPANISH]
I'M NOT GOING BACK TO THE INSTITUTE.
MADAME TESSIER CAN HAVE HER PREDIGESTED CULTURE.
WELL, WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO?
HUH?
YOU GONNA GO BACK TO OHIO?
LET'S GET OUT OF HERE.
LET'S SEE THINGS THE RIGHT WAY.
YEAH.
WHAT'S THE RIGHT WAY?
[AUDIENCE APPLAUDING]
2 TICKETS TO BARCELONA.
[P.A. ANNOUNCER SPEAKING FRENCH]
UH, AT BARCELONA, WE CAN FOLLOW
THE MEDITERRANEAN SOUTH TO VALENCIA.
VALENCIA!
THE GOLDEN TOWERS WHERE EL CID
CONQUERED THE MOORS.
AND THEN, UM... GRENADA
AND THE ALHAMBRA,
THE MOST ROMANTIC MONUMENT IN SPAIN.
NO, SORRY.
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
I'M NOT GOING.
OH, GODDAMN IT! I KNEW IT!
I KNEW YOU'D DO THIS!
WELL, YOU WERE RIGHT.
YOU CHICKENSHIT. I THOUGHT YOU'D CHANGED!
WELL...
WHAT'S WRONG?
WHAT AM I GONNA TELL MY PARENTS?
YOUR PARENTS? OH, CHRIST, JOEL!
WELL, I CAN'T JUST DROP OUT HALFWAY THROUGH.
I'LL LOSE THE WHOLE YEAR!
THEY MIGHT NOT EVEN LET ME BACK INTO MY OWN SCHOOL!
WELL, I'M NOT TALKING ABOUT SCHOOL.
I'M TALKING ABOUT LIFE!
ALEX, YOU'RE NOT! YOU'RE DREAMING.
THIS IS ANOTHER FANTASY,
JUST LIKE MADAME TESSIER WAS A FANTASY.
OK, GO BACK TO THE INSTITUTE,
FINISH COLLEGE, GET A GOOD JOB,
SO MAYBE IN 10 YEARS YOU CAN AFFORD
TO COME BACK AND GO TO SPAIN!
WHY NOT GO NOW?
I CAN'T.
WHY NOT?!
I DON'T KNOW!
HAVE A NICE TRIP.
WRITE ME, WILL YA?
[SPEAKING FRENCH]
UM, WHERE'S TONI?
OH, UM, SHE LEFT.
WHERE DID SHE GO?
I DON'T KNOW. SHE WOULDN'T TELL US.
OH, YES, WAIT.
UH, SHE SAID SOMETHING ABOUT GOING TO MARSEILLES.
MARSEILLES?
YEAH, THAT'S WHERE SHE TOLD ME
SHE WAS GOING.
WELL, I'LL CALL HER FAMILY.
HER PARENTS HAVE LEFT, TOO. THEY ALL WENT AWAY.
BUT THIS IS CRAZY.
YOU MEAN SHE DIDN'T LEAVE AN ADDRESS?
EXCUSEZ-MOI. LISTEN, JOEL,
I'M SORRY, BUT THAT'S ALL I KNOW.
MERCI.
YOU'RE WELCOME. GOOD-BYE.
[SPEAKING FRENCH]
Toni: JOEL?
MALSY SAID YOU WERE IN MARSEILLES.
YOUR FRIENDS SAID YOU WERE GOING TO SPAIN.
ALEX WENT.
YOU DIDN'T WANT TO GO?
NO, I WANTED TO GO.
WHY DIDN'T YOU?
I COULDN'T, YOU KNOW...
BECAUSE OF YOU.
WELL, THAT'S NICE, JOEL, BUT MAYBE...
IT'S MORE BECAUSE YOU WERE AFRAID.
[CHILDREN SPEAKING FRENCH]
I DON'T WANNA ARGUE ANYMORE.
WELL, NEITHER DO I.
I'LL GO TO SPAIN SOMEDAY.
[CAR HORNS HONKING]
HEY, I GOT A POSTCARD FROM ALEX.
OH, YEAH?
YEAH.
"ACRES OF, UH, ORANGES
"AND OLIVE TREES STRETCH TO THE BLUE MEDITERRANEAN.
"MARCH HERE ISN'T LIKE PARIS.
THE SPANISH SUN IS FANTASTIC."
"SPANISH SUN."
HMM. "AND THERE ISN'T A CLOUD IN THE SKY."
HE SAYS HE'S GOING TO GREECE NEXT.
THAT DOESN'T SOUND TOO BAD, DOES IT?
I'VE GOT AN ITEM.
THE TESSIERS ARE DEFINITELY SPLITSVILLE.
YEAH, MANIQUE TOOK OVER HIS LIT CLASS.
Melanie: YEAH.
ACCORDING TO MY SOURCE,
MONSIEUR TESSIER NOT ONLY LEFT THE INSTITUTE,
BUT HE LEFT THE HOUSE
AND MADAME TESSIER.
[STUDENT SPEAKING FRENCH]
SCREW YOU.
OH, HI, LAURA.
YOU ALL THINK I'M FLAKY.
THAT'S WHY NOBODY WANTED TO GO WITH ME
TO THE MEDIEVAL FESTIVAL.
[SIGHS] CAN IT, LAURA.
LOOK, I DON'T HAVE TIME TO EXCHANGE PLEASANTRIES, MELANIE.
I JUST DROPPED BY TO TELL YOU
THAT I'LL BE LEAVING IN EXACTLY 2 HOURS.
LEAVING FOR LAON.
I'M GOING TO THE FESTIVAL DESPITE ALL OF YOU.
WHY DON'T YOU SIT DOWN?
WELL, I HAVEN'T MUCH TIME FOR SMALL TALK.
I HAVE TO GO PACK AND THEN MEET MY FRIEND.
DON'T YOU WANT TO KNOW WHO MY FRIEND IS?
WHO'S YOUR FRIEND, LAURA?
NONE OF YOUR DAMN BUSINESS, JOEY.
HE'S A TRAVEL AGENT.
I WENT TO CANCEL MY RESERVATIONS
BECAUSE I COULDN'T AFFORD TO GO
TO THE FESTIVAL BY MYSELF,
AND ALL OF A SUDDEN HE SAID HE'D TAKE ME.
THE TRAVEL AGENT?
Laura: YEAH.
HIS COMPANY WAS SENDING HIM,
AND HIS COMPANY WILL PAY FOR THE TRIP.
I DON'T EVEN HAVE TO PAY FOR GAS.
YOU JUST MET THIS GUY. WHO IS HE?
AND HE JUST TOOK ME TO A REAL FRENCH RESTAURANT
FOR A LUNCH WITH 3 WINES,
NOT LIKE THIS DUMP.
Melanie: IS HE FRENCH?
THAT'S ALL I NEED. HE'S PROBABLY FRENCH.
Laura: WHAT? I DON'T KNOW.
FRENCH?
FRENCH, ME? DARIUS SAYYID?
FROM THE LONG LINE OF THE KINGS OF PERSIA?
I AM IRANIAN. WHERE THE HAVIAR COMES FROM.
THE WHAT?
YOU KNOW, HAVIAR. SAY IT.
HAVIAR.
[LAUGHS]
OH, CAVIAR. YOU MEAN CAVIAR.
NO. HAVIAR. [CHUCKLES]
IT'S SO FUNNY WHEN YOU SAY IT.
OH, MY GOD.
LISTEN, UH, SAYYID,
WOULDN'T WE GET TO THE FESTIVAL QUICKER
IF WE TOOK THE HIGHWAY?
WHAT, AND MISS THE VINEYARDS?
VINEYARDS? WHAT VINEYARDS?
EVERYTHING LOOKS DEAD.
IT'S MARCH. THE GRAPES...
ARE SLEEPING. [SNORES]
YES?
YES.
IN THE SPRING, THEY SPRING.
IT'S ALL BEAUTIFUL.
OK?
OK.
[LAUGHS]
[TIRES SCREECHING]
WHOO! WHOO-HOO-HOO!
IT'S LIKE MECCA. I COULD LIVE HERE.
YOU TURN THE BOTTLE SLOWLY LIKE THIS,
AND THEN THERE IS NO POP.
OOPS, LITTLE POP. BUT IT'S OK. DON'T WORRY.
LET'S GO BACK TO THE CAR.
YOU LIKE THE CAR?
IT'S CONVERTIBLE.
TOP GO UP, TOP GO DOWN.
LEAVE IT UP?
HOW ABOUT SHUT UP?
[BELCHES]
UH, MAYBE I SHOULD DRIVE?
IN MY COUNTRY, WOMEN DO NOT DRIVE.
FIGURES.
IN MY COUNTRY, IN FACT,
THE WOMEN RUN BEHIND THE CARS.
HA HA.
[LAUGHS] SAYYID JOKING.
IT'S NO PROBLEM.
AH, WHAT'S THAT?
ALLAH GIVES ME SIGN.
Laura: OH, NO, COME ON! WE CAN'T STOP AT EVERY WINERY!
NO, IT'S A CORK! LOOK OUT!
[SIGHS] YOU ASSHOLE.
NO PROBLEM.
LAURA, SEE? SWIMMING POOL.
IT'S A CRUMMY MOTEL.
IT'S ALL NEW.
WHY YOU AMERICANS ONLY LIKES OLD THINGS?
IN MY COUNTRY, WE LOVE EVERYTHING MODERN.
ALSO, SAYYID GET DISCOUNT HERE.
I'M GONNA CLEAN UP. THEN WE'LL GO
INTO TOWN FOR THE FESTIVAL.
SURPRISE!
OH, NO.
SAYYID'S FEELING MUCH BETTER.
SAYYID, OUT.
WHO ARE THEY?
WHO?
SHAH OF IRAN. WIFE, BEAUTIFUL SHABANU.
WHAT ARE THEY DOING IN MY ROOM?
WE IRANIANS USED TO BUY EVERYTHING, YOU KNOW?
BUT NOW VERY SAD.
WHEN THE SHAH WAS NO MORE,
SAYYID LEAVE IRAN, COME TO FRANCE.
[KNOCKS ON DOOR]
WAIT! MORE SURPRISE.
OH.
HEY!
[SPEAKING IRANIAN]
FESTIVAL.
WHAT WAS THAT ALL ABOUT?
SMALL WORLD.
WE WENT TO SAME HIGH SCHOOL IN IRAN.
HAVIAR!
REALLY? I'VE NEVER TASTED CAVIAR.
HAVIAR.
AH, SAYYID IS GOOD TO HIS WOMEN,
ISN'T HE? ISN'T HE?
SAYYID, YOU'RE SPILLING ALL MY LITTLE HAVIARS.
LAURA, I LOVE YOU. A LOT.
WHAT ARE YOU CRAZY? I'VE GOT A BOYFRIEND.
AND BELIEVE ME, EVEN IF I DIDN'T--
BUT AMERICAN GIRLS DO IT WITH EVERYONE.
WHAT?! GET OUT OF MY ROOM!
LET GO OF ME!
YOU'VE BEEN AROUND WOMEN IN VEILS TOO LONG!
AAH!
I LIKE INFIDEL WOMEN.
OHH!
OH, YOU PERSIAN CHAUVINIST!
OHH!
[KNOCKS]
I'M GOING TO GO NOW.
TO GET-- TO GET HELP.
OK?
NO PROBLEM.
BIG PROBLEM.
AAH!
[CAR DOOR CLOSES]
[CAR STARTS AND DRIVES OFF]
OH...
I MISSED IT.
[HORSE WHINNYING]
[TV PLAYING LOUDLY]
[THUNDER]
[STEEPLE BELL CHIMING]
[SPEAKING FRENCH]
Madame Tessier: CLOSER!
CLOSER, EVERYBODY, AND SMILE!
[SPEAKING FRENCH]
[PHOTOGRAPHER SPEAKING FRENCH]
HEY, ALEX!
[MADAME TESSIER SPEAKING FRENCH]
Madame Tessier: ALL RIGHT, EVERYBODY,
THAT'S IT. NO MORE PICTURES TODAY.
HOW ARE YOU?
[CHATTERING]
HEY, HOW YOU DOING?
ALL RIGHT. IT'S GOOD TO SEE YOU.
I THOUGHT YOU WERE IN GREECE.
I CAME BACK TO REFUEL.
DID I GET ANY MONEY FROM HOME?
MM-MMM. NO, I WOULDN'T COUNT ON IT.
UM, YOUR PARENTS WENT BERSERK
WHEN YOU DROPPED OUT.
HOW WAS SPAIN?
SPAIN WAS UNBELIEVABLE. I KNOW WHY--
HEY, YOU KNOW, IF WE'RE GONNA DROP BY THE HOSPITAL,
WE GOTTA GET GOING.
OK.
[MADAME TESSIER SPEAKING FRENCH]
Joel: HEY, ALEX, WHY DON'T YOU COME WITH US?
YOU COULD TELL US ABOUT SPAIN.
[SPEAKING FRENCH]
Joel: HEY, ALEX! YOU COMING OR NOT?
COME ON! WE'LL MISS VISITING HOURS!
Laura: I DON'T KNOW.
AT FIRST, THEY JUST THOUGHT I HAD PNEUMONIA
FROM SITTING IN THE RAIN THAT NIGHT,
BUT NOW THEY THINK IT'S SOMETHING ELSE.
SOMETHING... CONTAGIOUS?
Toni: JOEL!
SOME KIND OF NERVOUS BREAKDOWN.
BUNCH OF FRENCH QUACKS.
I MEAN, REALLY,
DO I SEEM LIKE I'M HAVING A NERVOUS BREAKDOWN?
[HUMMING]
[CHUCKLING]
IT'S NOT FUNNY, MELANIE! NOT FUNNY AT ALL!
I FEEL LIKE AN IDIOT.
YOU DON'T KNOW HOW MUCH I WAS LOOKING FORWARD
TO COMING TO PARIS.
AND NOTHING THIS YEAR TURNED OUT THE WAY
I THOUGHT IT WOULD.
I DON'T KNOW.
MAYBE MY EXPECTATIONS WERE TOO GREAT.
I GUESS IF YOU DON'T EXPECT ANYTHING,
THEN YOU AREN'T DISAPPOINTED.
[SNIFFLES]
YOU KNOW, IT'S WEIRD.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN?
LAURA'S BEEN AT THE INSTITUTE ALL YEAR.
HUH?
I NEVER EVEN NOTICED HER.
YEAH, I KNOW. IT'S FUNNY.
I'LL SEE YA LATER.
I THINK I'M GONNA GO BACK INSIDE.
OK.
OK?
[DOOR OPENS]
HI.
LISTEN, I DON'T WANT TO BOTHER YOU,
BUT, WELL...
LOOK, UH, I'M GONNA BE AROUND
FOR A COUPLE OF DAYS.
SO MAYBE I CAN COME BACK
AND VISIT YOU.
NO, NO, THAT'S OK.
I'LL BE GETTING OUT OF HERE THIS WEEKEND.
WELL, THEN I'LL SEE YOU THEN.
OK.
OH, YEAH, THE BULLFIGHT WAS GREAT.
I WATCHED A HORSE GET GORED.
EL CID CAPTURED VALENCIA.
I PICKED UP DYSENTERY THERE.
I SPENT A WEEK IN GRENADA
MOSTLY WATCHING THE FAMOUS RAIN
IN SPAIN.
ALL IN ALL, THE TRIP WAS INCREDIBLY...
[CHUCKLES] LONELY.
BUT DON'T TELL JOEL THAT, OK?
I JUST TOLD HIM THE TRIP WAS GREAT.
YEAH, I WAS GONNA SAY THAT ABOUT MY TRIP,
BUT IT'S HARD WHEN THEY BRING YOU BACK
IN AN AMBULANCE.
I PICKED UP MY PLANE TICKET TODAY.
DO YOU HAVE TO LEAVE?
WELL, I'D STAY, BUT I'M OUT OF MONEY.
MY PARENTS FINALLY PULLED THE PLUG.
SO, I GO HOME TUESDAY.
YOU KNOW IN THE HOSPITAL WHEN YOU WERE TALKING
ABOUT THE GREAT EXPECTATIONS YOU HAD FOR THIS YEAR?
YEAH.
I KNOW WHAT YOU MEAN.
BELIEVE ME.
WELL, WHAT DID YOU THINK THE YEAR
WAS GONNA BE LIKE?
I DON'T KNOW. I THOUGHT IT MIGHT...
YOU KNOW, I KIND OF HOPED IT MIGHT--
MIGHT BE LIKE THIS:
SUNSET, PRETTY GIRL.
Laura, voice-over: MAY 25. DEAR DAVID,
SATURDAY NIGHT IS JOEL'S PLAY
AND THE END-OF-THE-YEAR PARTY.
BUT, YOU KNOW, THE YEAR STILL MIGHT TURN OUT
TO BE ALL RIGHT, AFTER ALL.
YOU SEE, I'VE MET SOMEBODY, DAVID,
AND, WELL...
THIS'LL PROBABLY BE MY LAST POSTCARD.
OK, NOW, TONI,
NOW, YOU REALLY CAN'T TELL ANYBODY ABOUT THIS, OK?
OK.
COME ON.
[FRENCH SONG PLAYING]
THIS IS JUST A MOMENTARY LAPSE.
I ACTUALLY PREFER STEAK TARTAR
AND COQUILLES SAINT-JACQUES.
WHAT'S THIS? THAT'S ALL YOU'RE EATING?
YEAH.
Joel: WELL, WHAT'S WRONG?
OH. YOU'RE THINKING ABOUT ME LEAVING?
WELL...
I GOTTA GO.
I KNOW.
BUT, LISTEN, THERE'S NO REASON
WHY YOU CAN'T COME WITH ME.
I DON'T THINK HAMBURGERS ARE GOOD FOR YOU.
COME BACK WITH ME TO THE STATES.
YOUR ENGLISH IS GOOD.
YOU'RE STUDYING TO BE A TEACHER.
I'VE TAUGHT YOU ALL THE BEST DIRTY WORDS.
YOU COULD TUTOR FRENCH AND LIVE WITH ME.
BUT I JUST CAN'T GO LIKE THAT.
IT'S NOT THAT EASY.
WHY CAN'T IT BE THAT EASY? LISTEN...
I USED TO DO THAT,
YOU KNOW, WORRY ABOUT EVERYTHING?
BUT I'VE CHANGED.
THIS IS THE NEW JOEL YOU'RE LOOKING AT.
IF YOU WANNA DO SOMETHING, YOU JUST DO IT.
SO WHAT DO YOU SAY?
TONI, REALLY,
I'D LIKE YOU TO GO BACK WITH ME.
YEAH? OUI?
GARCON! ENCORE!
2 BIG MACS. S'IL VOUS PLAIT.
LAST FALL, 65 AMERICAN STUDENTS
SUDDENLY DISAPPEARED
LIKE MONEY INTO A WHORE'S STOCKING.
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
OK, I WANT THAT STREET OFF
STARTING NOW.
Alex: THE LEADS WERE SKIMPY.
THE CASE WAS VERY SLEAZY.
[WOMAN SCREAMS]
BUT I'VE BEEN DOWN THESE MEAN STREETS BEFORE.
YOU SEE, I'M A PRIVATE DICK.
[AUDIENCE CHORTLES]
AND IT WAS JOB TO FIND THEM.
I THINK THEY LIKE IT.
YEAH. THEY JUST LIKE TO WATCH
PEOPLE BE HUMILIATED.
THANK GOD WE'RE LEAVING THE COUNTRY TOMORROW.
ARE YOU STILL SURE YOU WANT ME TO GO WITH YOU?
YES. I'M SURE. I'M POSITIVE,
AND THERE IS NOTHING IN THIS WORLD
THAT IS GOING TO MAKE ME CHANGE...
OH, MY GOD.
JOEL!
MY PARENTS?!
DARLING!
Alex: THE HEAD HONCHO MUST'VE CAUGHT WIND
OF MY INVESTIGATION, 'CAUSE HE TOOK A POWDER SUDDENLY,
DECIDED TO MAKE LIKE A TREE,
BRANCH OUT AND LEAVE.
REMIND ME, NEXT YEAR, NO PLAY.
WHAT DO YOU THINK, SON?
IT'S A BROCHURE.
WELL, IT'S NOT JUST ANY BROCHURE.
I MEAN, THAT'S A BROCHURE
ON FINLAND.
YEAH, FINLAND. UH, YOU COULD'VE MAILED IT.
DARLING, I DON'T THINK
YOU UNDERSTAND. LOOK, YOUR FATHER
HAS ARRANGED THAT WE CAN ALL TAKE
OUR VACATIONS TOGETHER.
OH?
WE LEAVE IN THE MORNING.
JOEL, WE'RE TAKING YOU TO FINLAND.
FINLAND.
AND LAPLAND.
LISTEN, WHY DON'T YOU AND DAD
GO OUT FRONT AND TAKE A SEAT,
AND I'LL, UM...
TONI?
LOOK, I CAN EXPLAIN THIS.
YOU DIDN'T EVEN TELL YOUR PARENTS
WE WERE GOING BACK TOGETHER.
NO, NO, NO.
I KNEW YOU'D DO A CHICKEN-OUT.
NO, I'M GONNA TELL THEM TONIGHT.
WE'LL VISIT THE ORACLE AT DELPHI,
SWIM THE HELLESPONT.
ALEX, I'D LOVE TO GO TO GREECE.
BUT HOW?
THAT'S WHAT I FOUND OUT THIS AFTERNOON.
IF WE CASH IN OUR RETURN PLANE TICKETS--
THEN HOW DO WE GET HOME?
NO PROBLEM.
I TOLD YOU NEVER TO SAY THAT.
LOOK, WE'LL WORRY ABOUT THAT LATER.
THIS WAY WE HAVE
THE WHOLE SUMMER TOGETHER.
Alex: SHE WAS SCARED. SHE DIDN'T WANT TO TALK,
SO I, UH--I TOOK HER TO A LOCAL CAFÉ
TO LOOSEN HER UP, AND FIND OUT
ABOUT THIS INSTITUTE.
SO, WHAT'LL IT BE, KID?
A LITTLE VINE ORDINARY?
THEN HOW ABOUT SOME SNAILS?
OH, I DON'T KNOW. I'VE NEVER EATEN SNAILS.
THE THOUGHT OF IT JUST MAKES ME WANT TO PUKE.
COME ON, SPLURGE. YOU'LL LOVE 'EM. WAITER!
YOU MISSED YOUR CUE!
YOU SHOULD BE OUT IN THE AUDIENCE, MADAME TESSIER.
IT'S A MUCH BETTER VIEW.
I HAVE TO TALK TO ALEX.
TALK TO HIM?
YES.
WHY?
I'VE JUST BEEN THINKING ABOUT HIM.
SINCE HE CAME BACK TO ME.
TO YOU?
MMM.
HE CAME BACK FOR FINALS.
AND LISTEN, WE SHOULD TALK.
YOU KNOW WHAT HAPPENED BETWEEN YOU AND ALEX?
WELL, IT'S OVER, OF COURSE.
ALEX TOLD ME THAT RIGHT AWAY.
I MEAN, YOU DON'T THINK THAT--
LAURA, YOU'RE BEING NAIVE,
WHICH IS UNDERSTANDABLE.
YOU'RE A 20-YEAR-OLD AMERICAN SCHOOLGIRL,
AND I AM--
YOU'RE LONELY?
POOR ME.
YOUR HUSBAND DUMPED YOU!
DID HE, REALLY?
AND I'M SURE THAT THE PRESSURES
OF RUNNING THE SCHOOL ARE GETTING TO BE TOO--
TOO WHAT?
WAITER!
OUI, OUI, OUI.
OHH!
AFTER THE SNAILS, WE'LL HAVE A...
WHAT'S WRONG?
[SQUISHING]
[GASPING]
YES, MONSIEUR?
YEAH, WE'D LIKE A COUPLE OF DOZEN
OF YOUR BEST SNAILS, AND AFTER THAT--
MONSIEUR, YOU WISH TO EAT SNAILS?
[BALLS CLACKING]
SNAILS! YOU MUST HAVE SNAILS.
MES AMIS?
WHAT'S WRONG HERE?
I'D LIKE SOME SNAILS!
S-N-A-I-L-S SPELLS...
[ALL SQUISHING]
SNAILS.
LISTEN, I'M GLAD WE'RE HAVING
THIS KIND OF MATURE DISCUSSION.
I THINK, UH...
[MELANIE SCREAMS]
YEAH, I THINK--LET'S STEP IN HERE A MOMENT.
LAURA...
NO, THERE'S SOMETHING I JUST DON'T UNDERSTAND.
NO, LET'S GO IN HERE.
NO! NO!
NO!
[PROP GUNSHOTS ONSTAGE]
YOU'RE GONNA KEEP YOUR PAWS OFF OF ALEX!
WE'RE GOING TO GREECE!
UGH! UHH...
[PIANO PLAYING]
♪ YOU COME TO PARIS ♪
♪ YOU COME TO PLAY ♪
♪ YOU HAVE ZE WONDERFUL TIME ♪
♪ YOU GO AWAY ♪
♪ AND FROM THEN ON, YOU TALK OF PARIS KNOWINGLY ♪
♪ YOU MAY KNOW PARIS ♪
♪ YOU DON'T KNOW PAREE ♪
BECAUSE I'VE NEVER TAKEN ANY CHANCES!
ALL RIGHT, LET'S ALL CALM DOWN.
NOW, THE TRIP TO FINLAND WILL GIVE US
ALL TIME TO THINK AND TALK.
I'M NOT GOING TO FINLAND!
NOW, I'M GONNA GO TO THE STATES TOMORROW,
AND I'M GOING TO TAKE TONI WITH ME.
NOW, MY MIND'S MADE UP!
[MADAME TESSIER CALLING OUT IN CLOSET]
[BANGING ON CLOSET DOOR]
MADAME TESSIER.
JOEL!
I'D, UH, LIKE YOU
TO MEET MY PARENTS
MR. AND MRS. WEBER.
I AM MADAME CATHERINE TESSIER,
DIRECTOR OF THE INSTITUTE.
BONJOUR.
WELCOME TO FRANCE.
HOW DO YOU DO?
WELCOME TO FRANCE.
♪ BUT NEVER ONCE FORGET ♪
♪ HER LAUGHTER IS THE LAUGHTER ♪
♪ THAT HIDES THE TEARS ♪
♪ AND UNTIL YOU'VE LIVED A LOT ♪
♪ AND LOVED A LOT ♪
♪ AND LOST A LOT ♪
♪ YOU DON'T KNOW PAREE ♪
WE DID IT!
THIS IS THE GREATEST MOMENT OF MY LIFE TO DATE.
[ARGUING IN FRENCH]
I GOTTA GO.
MADAME LEVERT!
MONSIEUR LEVERT, I WAS JUST LOOKING
FOR YOUR DAUGHTER. DID YOU LIKE THE PLAY?
NO!
YOU'RE NOT TAKING TONI TO AMERICA.
THE MORE WE THOUGHT, THE MORE WE WORRIED.
YOU HAVE NO MONEY. SHE HAS NO MONEY.
I'M NOT GIVING YOU ANY!
[SPEAKING FRENCH]
TONI IS GOING WITH ME!
WHAT WAS THAT ALL ABOUT?
I SUPPOSE YOU THINK I'M RUINING MY LIFE, TOO?
[SINGING IN FRENCH]
♪ IT'S ALL OVER, BABE, I GOTTA SPLIT ♪
[SINGING IN FRENCH]
♪ IT'S ALL OVER, BABE, I GOTTA SPLIT ♪
♪ UH-HUH, I'M GONNA DO IT ♪
♪ UH-HUH ♪
♪ I'M GONNA DO IT RIGHT NOW ♪
[SINGING IN FRENCH]
♪ IT'S ALL OVER, BABE, I GOTTA SPLIT ♪
I CAN'T BELIEVE I PASSED.
ACTUALLY, I GOT A C-PLUS.
ALEX?
BON--BONJOUR. BONSOIR.
I WANT TO TALK TO YOU.
UH, I WAS JUST TAKING THESE DRINKS OVER TO LAURA.
SHE'S, UH-- SHE'S WAITING.
DANCE WITH ME.
DANCE?
YES.
[BAND FINISHES SONG]
[WILL YOU LOVE ME TOMORROW? PLAYING IN FRENCH]
[WHISTLES]
PBBT!
LAURA...LAURA...
DID YOU SEE ALEX DANCING WITH HER?
YEAH. WHERE'D THEY GO?
I DON'T CARE.
LOOK, WHEN ARE YOU AND TONI LEAVING TOMORROW?
I--I DON'T KNOW. I CAN'T EVEN FIND HER.
I'LL CALL YOU. WE'LL GO TO THE AIRPORT TOGETHER.
"DEAR MR. AND MRS. MOORE,
AS PER OUR TELEPHONE CONVERSATION, I--"
TELEPHONE?
YOU CALLED MY PARENTS?
NOT YET. I'M GOING TO.
SHH!
"I'M WRITING CONCERNING YOUR SON ALEX,
"WHOM I WANT TO EMPLOY AT MY INSTITUTE
OF FRENCH STUDIES."
[LAUGHS] YOU DO?
YES! THAT'S MY PLAN.
SIT DOWN.
"THERE IS A SUMMER SESSION STARTING IMMEDIATELY,
AND," UH...
"ALEX WOULD BE ACTING AS A COUNSELOR
"FOR THE AMERICAN STUDENTS
"AND AS MY PERSONAL ASSISTANT.
"NOW, WHY ALEX, YOU ASK?
"WELL, ALEX IS INTELLIGENT
AND, WHEN," UH, "MOTIVATED,
AN EXCELLENT SCHOLAR."
[LAUGHS]
SO, THAT'S A BIG LIE. [LAUGHS]
OH--W--YEAH.
"ALEX IS ALSO QUITE CHARMING.
"HE'S VERY ATTRACTIVE...
ESPECIALLY FOR WOMEN."
"I REMEMBER THE FIRST NIGHT ALEX
AND I WERE ALONE TOGETHER."
UH, MADAME TESSIER...
UH...
I DON'T THINK YOU SHOULD SEND THIS LETTER
TO MY PARENTS.
WHY NOT?
WELL...
IT'S, UH...
IT'S A LITTLE TOO REVEALING.
AND--AND--A-ACTUALLY...
I'M NOT SURE THIS WHOLE THING
IS REALLY A FIRST-RATE IDEA.
I THINK IT IS.
I'VE THOUGHT ABOUT IT A LOT.
WHY NOT?
REALLY, I--I APPRECIATE THE OFFER--
UH, THE JOB...
BUT I CAN'T STAY.
WHAT ABOUT...
EVERYTHING?
WHAT ABOUT THE SONG YOU WROTE ME?
WELL, THAT WAS JUST A SONG.
I DIDN'T THINK YOU--
I MEAN...
THIS IS REALLY HAPPENING HERE.
YOU TOLD ME YOU WANTED
TO EXPERIENCE LIFE AND--
I'VE HAD ENOUGH EXPERIENCE,
PLENTY.
RIGHT NOW, I'M JUST GONNA TRAVEL
A LITTLE THIS SUMMER, AND THEN I'M--
I'M GOING BACK TO OHIO.
IT'S QUIET THERE. I--
I CAN RECUPERATE FROM ALL MY EXPERIENCE.
ALEX!
KEEP IN TOUCH.
WE HAVE A NEWSLETTER.
WE WRITE ABOUT ANYTHING INTERESTING
THAT HAPPENS TO OUR STUDENTS
AFTER THEY LEAVE.
MADAME TESSIER,
IT'LL BE A LONG TIME
BEFORE ANYTHING THAT'S INTERESTING
HAPPENS TO ME AGAIN,
BUT I'LL LET YOU KNOW.
OK.
AU REVOIR.
HMM?
[LAUGHS]
[ENUNCIATING CLEARLY] AU REVOIR.
RIGHT.
ANYWAY...
CIAO, ALEX.
TONI?
TONI... WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN?
I'VE BEEN LOOKING ALL OVER FOR YOU.
IT'S FREEZING OUT HERE!
WELL, I'VE BEEN THINKING.
I DON'T KNOW IF I SHOULD GO WITH YOU.
Mrs. Weber: JOEL!
JOEL?
I DON'T SEE HIM. HE'S--
JOEL, WHERE ARE YOU?
TONI!
[SPEAKING FRENCH]
TONI! TONI! VOILA. TONI!
TONI!
TONI! TONI!
AH!
[LAUGHS]
LOOK, I CAN'T HANDLE THIS ANY LONGER.
IT'S NOW OR NEVER.
OHH! I DON'T BELIEVE IT!
Mr. and Mrs. Weber: JOEL?
Mr. and Mrs. Levert: TONI?
COME ON.
I'M NOT GONNA CHICKEN OUT THIS TIME.
Mrs. Weber: HOWARD, HERE THEY ARE.
Mr. Weber: JOEL, LOOK, NOW LET'S TALK IT OVER.
Mrs. Weber: WE'LL GET YOU A ROOM AT OUR HOTEL.
IT'S--IT'S LOVELY.
Joel: I'M NOT STAYING, MOTHER!
[MR. LEVERT SPEAKING FRENCH]
Mr. Weber: COME ON, THIS IS RIDICULOUS. GET DOWN.
DAD, WILL YOU LET GO OF MY LEG?!
WHOA! OHH! OHH!
Mrs. Weber: JOEL! YOU PUSHED HIM!
JOEL?
ARE YOU ALIVE?
[PARENTS ALL TALKING AT ONCE]
Mr. Weber: HE'S OK. RIGHT, JOEL? JOEL?
TONI, COME ON.
I LOVE YOU.
ME, TOO.
[PARENTS ALL TALKING AT ONCE]
Mrs. Weber: JOEL? WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
Mr. Weber: YOU'RE MAKING A BIG MISTAKE.
I'M DOING THE FIRST SPONTANEOUS, IRRATIONAL THING
I'VE EVER DONE IN MY LIFE!
Mrs. Weber: WELL, WHAT IF IT'S A BAD IDEA?
WELL, THAT'S A CHANCE I'LL HAVE TO TAKE.
[P.A. ANNOUNCEMENTS IN FRENCH]
HI.
COME ON. WE'RE LATE.
P.A.: ...DEPARTURE FOR DEAUVILLE,
U.T.A. FLIGHT 14,
IMMEDIATE BOARDING,
SATELLITE 6.
HI, LAURA.
WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?
YOU GOING BACK?
NO, I'M STAYING.
I JUST CAME TO SAY GOOD-BYE.
Joel: OH, TERRIFIC IDEA.
[WHISTLES]
HEY, LAURA.
ARE YOU ALL SET TO GO?
DID YOU GET YOUR BOARDING PASSES YET?
NO, UH, I'LL GET THEM.
I NEED MY TICKET!
HERE'S YOUR TICKET.
LAURA'S IN NO MOOD TO SAY GOOD-BYE TO YOU.
[LAUGHS] YOU'RE RIGHT.
I DON'T THINK SHE'S GOING TO.
MADEMOISELLE,
THIS IS NOT EVEN A PLANE TICKET.
YOU HAVE 2 TRAIN TICKETS HERE.
2 TRAIN...
MMM, AND THEY ARE NOT FOR NEW YORK.
THEY ARE FOR GENEVA, VENICE,
BELGRADE, ATHENS.
THEY ARE FOR GREECE.
GREECE?
BYE.
LAURA--
LAURA?
BYE.
LAURA, DID YOU GET THE SURPRISE?
YEAH. YOU TOOK MY BAG
AND SWITCHED THE TICKETS.
YEAH, I THOUGHT
YOU'D RATHER GO TO GREECE.
WELL, THE YEAR STARTED OUT ALL SCREWED UP.
WHY SHOULDN'T IT END THAT WAY?
GIVE ME MY BAG.
[LAUGHS] WE'RE GOING, THEN?
I'M GOING.
YOU CAN DO WHAT YOU WANT.
DON'T WORRY. BY YUGOSLAVIA,
I'LL HAVE HER CONVINCED.
I'LL SEE YOU, JOEL.
YEAH, WE'LL KEEP IN TOUCH, RIGHT?
RIGHT.
YEAH...
SURE. BYE.
P.A.: DEPARTURE OF AIR FRANCE,
FLIGHT NUMBER 3,
HAS BEEN CHANGED AND IS NOW...
OH, THAT'S OUR FLIGHT.
YEAH, BUT WE'RE AT THE, UH, WRONG GATE.
NOW, DON'T WORRY. LISTEN, IT'S--
I'VE GOT IT ALL TAKEN CARE OF.
PASSPORTS, TICKETS, EVERYTHING.
HEY, LAURA, YOU CAN'T STOP SOMEBODY
FROM RIDING THE SAME TRAIN!
IT BETTER BE A LONG TRAIN.
IT IS!
NO PROBLEM!
LOOK, DON'T HIT ME.
THANK YOU.
[P.A. ANNOUNCEMENTS IN FRENCH]
P.A.: T.W.A. CHARTER FLIGHT NUMBER 4
FROM NEW YORK
NOW ARRIVING AT SATELLITE 5.
CAPTIONING MADE POSSIBLE BY PARAMOUNT PICTURES CORPORATION
CAPTIONED BY THE NATIONAL CAPTIONING INSTITUTE --www.ncicap.org--
CAPTIONS COPYRIGHT 2002 PARAMOUNT PICTURES CORPORATION